For You, Not Me
by Tash777
Summary: NearxMikami. After the Kira case, when Near is keeping Mikami in confinement. I don't know what else to say about it, but I do not ship this. I was forced to write it. I guess it could be worse...


Um... Hi! This is my first fanfiction that I have posted on here. I have read things on here for ages, but only recently got round to creating an account. Constructive criticism is always welcome... Do you need to put disclaimers in? If you do, I shall state now that I do not own Death Note or any of its characters. A friend and I were discussing awkward DN ships some time last year. I mentioned NearxMikami, and she tormented me until I wrote this... I am slightly scared about how well it turned out. I guess it does get Near out of the way for MelloxMatt, I felt kinda mean leaving him all by himself... Please review and tell me what you think. Hope you like it!

* * *

Near stared at the screen. He had been doing that, and only that, for the past three days. Since he put that poor man in confinement.

Mikami stared the ceiling. Since the Yellow Box Warehouse incident, he was having a hard time keeping a grip on his sanity.

He muttered nonsense constantly. How his God had betrayed him, how he was left alone in this rotting world. A world full of evil people.

But there was no God. Light Yagami was Kira, but Light was weak. He got caught. But that was Teru's fault.

Teru Mikami should have known better. He should have known his saviour could handle the situation perfectly. And deep down, maybe hid did know this. But he just wanted to make sure, make sure nothing could go wrong for his God...

Mikami had failed Kira. Failed himself. Failed all that mattered to him. He tried to commit suicide. But the boy saved him. At least, he looked like a boy.

The white haired one. Near, he heard he was called. Mikami had been here for three days now, and Near had talked to him constantly through speakers. Trying to remind him how justice worked, how the world could be a better place without murder.

Without the influence of Kira, the messages were starting to get through. The voice was comforting. But if it stopped, then he wasn't sure what would happen.

Gevanni stared at Near. Why did the boy- well, man- devote all his time to talking to this maniac? Sure, it had only been three days. But the Kira case was over. If Near hadn't spent all his time trying to make the madman feel better, they could be on a new case by now.

It wasn't only that though. For the past three days, talking to Mikami really was all Near did. He hadn't ate or slept. Gevanni was starting to worry for Near's health.

"I want to visit him in person."

"What? But Near, I mean sir, are you sure that's wise?"

"Take me to him. Now, Gevanni."

Near stood up, switching off all of the cameras and speakers connected to Mikami's cell. He looked at Gevanni, who promptly guided him to the location of the crazy man.

"Teru Mikami."

He looked up as the white haired man entered his cell. The door shut behind him with a dull thunk.

"N-Near..."

"Please, you know my real name, don't you? The cameras and microphones are off, nobody will hear you."

"Nate... Nate River..."

Nate smiled. Nobody had called him that in years. Even Kira, who knew his name, still called him Near.

He knelt down by Mikami, proceeding to undo his straight jacket. He took this as a chance to take a closer look at him. Light had been mistaken about Mikami's age. In fact, he was only a few years older than Near. Much younger than Light had assumed.

Underneath the jacket, Mikami was shirtless. He stretched his arms, thankful for the freedom of movement. Nate just watched as Mikami's muscles flexed, a slight blush coating his cheeks. The regular gym visits had definitely paid off.

"Thank you, Nate. Without you talking to me these past few days I don't think I could have survived. I think... I think I might be getting better."

Near just watched him.

"Teru... I'm glad to hear that."

They smiled briefly at each-other. Near wondered how this man managed to provoke so much emotion in him.

The albino pulled two apple sized toy planes from his pocket, holding one out to Mikami.

"Will you play with me?"

They started off making the planes zoom through the air, always reaching their designated destination. They ended up with the planes forgotten on the floor, Mikami on his back holding Near in the air, like one would do with a baby or toddler. Near was enjoying this greatly. It almost felt as if he were flying, if not for the strong arms holding him up.

Mikami eventually lowered Near down on top of him, both of them laughing. Near instinctively wrapped his arms around Mikami's neck, snuggling into his chest. All of the playing, especially with someone else, had tired him out.

Near suddenly realized what he was doing, and how unprofessional it was. He started to get up, his face flooding red, when Mikami pulled him back down.

"Please stay with me. I... I like it when you're here."

Near nodded and didn't try to get back up. Mikami kissed him gently on the forehead, but that just made him blush even deeper, contrasting starkly with his pale, milky skin.

"Nate, are you alright? You look a little flushed."

He suddenly realized how hot his face had become. He looked away from Mikami, trying to hide his reaction to a simple kiss on the forehead.

"I'm f-fine, Teru..."

"If you react so strongly to that, I wonder what happens if I do this..."

Before Near could stop him, he cupped his face and tenderly kissed him on the mouth. Near's eyes widened to the size of saucers and his mouth opened, but no reply came.

Mikami smiled at him, but before he could say anything about it Near had leapt on him and started kissing him over and over again.

Good, so they both liked it.

* * *

Near eventually got back up to his office of sorts, his clothes now a little rumpled. He had a smile on his face, something very rare. He got to his computer to see a very displeased Gevanni. Behind Gevanni was his computer, which displayed the cell he had previously been in. Wait, when did the surveillance equipment get turned back on?

"Near, what were you thinking?"

So Gevanni had been watching this whole time... Near made a mental note to fire him, or at least demote him.

"Gevanni, I did not give you permission to use the surveillance equipment. Now, I would like to use my computer."

All Near wanted to do was get back onto his computer and start talking to Teru again. Unfortunately, Gevanni was blocking his way.

"Well I couldn't leave you alone with a mentally unstable, psychotic murderer, could I? And you are not going back on that computer. You have cases to solve before you contact Mikami again. You can borrow my laptop."

"He is not a psychotic murderer!"

Several heads turned at Near's sudden outburst. He sighed, turning his face into an emotionless mask again. Taking the large pile of folders from Gevanni, he began his work.

* * *

It took him all night and half a day. It shouldn't have taken that extra half day, but Near found himself getting distracted by thoughts of a certain person.

Teru Mikami... How was he doing without Near talking to him?

Near put down the last file and shoved his hands in his pockets. He realized his planes were missing. He'd left them in the cell. Near smiled at himself, this was just the opportunity he needed.

He almost skipped to Mikami's cell. He got in and immediately shoved the toys in his pockets before walking over to the cell's occupant.

"Hey Teru. Sorry I didn't talk last night, I had work to-"

"You left me."

Mikami looked up at Near. He looked awful, like he hasn't slept at all last night. But Near wouldn't have known. Even without the cases to work on, Gevanni probably wouldn't have let him see or talk to Mikami anyway.

"I waited all night to hear your voice, even if it's computerized. I trusted you, but you left me like everyone else. You're no different than the others."

"Teru please, I need to work on these cases. I am L now, and I must keep up."

"No. You're just like all the others. Filthy and cruel and evil. You killed the only person who shared my beliefs, the only person who could have made it all better."

"Light Yagami, or Kira, would not have made it all better. He would have obliterated our way of life and people would live in fear. He would simply be repressing the evil in the world, not destroying it."

"You do not deserve to speak his name! He was going to save this world, and you killed him! You MURDERER!"

Near just stared blankly at him, working hard to mask his upset. He couldn't stop talking to him, even for a day, without him deteriorating back into... Well, this.

Near slowly padded over to Mikami. Placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, he murmured three last words in his ear before leaving the cell.

* * *

When Near got back, he immediately grabbed his laptop and headed for his room. He opened the door, looking around. Nothing had been touched. This room hadn't been entered for months, with the exception of cleaning.

He sat on the bed. Unlike everything else in the room, which was white, the bed was light blue with robots printed on the sheets. He sat for a while, thinking. He thought, and he thought, and he thought. He eventually came to his conclusion.

He didn't want to do this. It would pain him greatly. But Teru Mikami could not be saved. If Near could, he would have tried anyway. Talk to him for weeks; months, if that's what it took.

But he couldn't. He had to be L. He had to solve impossible cases and bestow justice upon the earth. But he certainly couldn't do that with Mikami constantly on his mind.

Poor Mikami. Left to rot and suffer in his cell. The madness slowly eating away at him, but leaving a small chunk of sanity, purely so he can feel the agony of losing his mind, bit by bit.

Near took a moment to think of Teru.

He was extremely intelligent to have come so far. Brave for going through with it to the very end. Loyal for doing such a large task for Kira. And he was absolutely beautiful.

Near wondered what would have happened if Mikami was part of the SPK. He certainly could have been. Perhaps they could have formed a relationship. Though that would have been completely unprofessional.

He sighed, getting off the bed. He touched certain points in the blank wall, until it slid open to reveal a safe. To open it required his retinal scan, fingerprints, voice recognition, facial recognition and a twelve digit code that was known only by him.

He went through the process and retrieved the contents of the safe.

He sat back on the bed, the death note and a pen resting on his lap. He really didn't want to do this, but he had to. Not for himself, but for him. Near couldn't bear to let him sit there, suffering in the confinements of his own twisted mind. He needed this, whether Near liked it or not.

He opened it to the nearest blank page. Taking a deep breath, he started to write.

Teru Mikami  
Dies painlessly and peacefully five days after being put into confinement, at 9:30pm, knowing he is cared for.

He looked at the paper. What had he done? He had just killed the only person who could conjure emotion from him. Teru was right.

He was a murderer.

He stared at the page for a while, still processing what the consequences of his actions would be. He would be all alone now. There was nobody left who could reach him. L, Watari, even Mello and Matt were dead. Gone. And now Mikami, too.

He looked at the clock. Twenty-seven minutes past five. One day, four hours and thirty-three minutes to go. The time slipped by so slowly, yet far too fast for Near.

He wanted to see Teru again. But he knew that wouldn't be possible. He couldn't face him after what he had done. So he contented himself with watching him through the screen.

Teru slept. Near watched. One day left. Twenty-four hours until Teru Mikami was no more...  
He really didn't want to think about it.

He should be fine with this. Teru Mikami should have been executed for what he has done. But Near could never do that.

He looked back at the name, perfectly written. He thought for a moment. Then he picked up his pen again.

He crossed out the last two words, and put a word that conveyed his feeling much more efficiently. a word that began with L. A word that Near thought he would never use.

Teru Mikami  
Dies painlessly and peacefully five days after being put into confinement, at 9:30pm, knowing he is loved.

* * *

Ten hours left. Both Gevanni and Rester had attempted to get Near out of his room, but to no avail. Now Halle was trying, but she wasn't doing any better.

"Near, sweetie, why don't you come outside? You can play with your robots, and there are plenty of cases for you to solve..."

Personally, Near thought the effort was pitiful.

* * *

Five hours left. Five hours left of Teru Mikami's suffering, a suffering that Near and Kira had inflicted on Teru together.

Near flicked the voice scrambler off, and began to talk. He talked to Teru about his own life, in his own voice.

He told Teru everything. How he came to Whammy's. How he never really fit in with everyone else. He told Teru Mikami everything he could remember, and when he was done, Teru did the same for him.

* * *

2 hours and fourteen minutes left. Near told Teru some more about himself. Pointless things. His favourite colour. His favourite animal. Why he had such a love for toys. That he used to love chocolate, but Mello would always take it from him so he stopped eating it.

Teru kept silent after that. His mind couldn't recall such things about himself. He didn't have a favourite colour, he didn't have a preferred animal. So he asked a question instead.

"Nate, why do you like robots so much?"

Near paused, but he didn't have to think about it at all.

"Because... Because they describe me perfectly."

"But they don't."

"Hm?"

"Nate, you are not a robot. You are so much more than that. You have emotion, you just hide it. You care. You just push it down so it doesn't get in the way of what you do. Nobody else could do that. But we need someone to. You are the only unbiased person in the world, because you don't let your feelings get in the way no matter what. Every single one of your choices are right."

Near stared at Teru, who was staring up at the camera with a small, sad smile. He knew Near would be forced to kill him at some point. He just wanted him to know that he was ok with it, and that it was the correct decision. Teru was ready to welcome death with open arms, after sending so many others to theirs.

* * *

One hour left.

All Near wanted to do was go down to Teru and sit with him, talk to him, just do something with him before his time ran out. But he couldn't bring himself to.

Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. If he stepped out of his room the entire SPK would force him to look through more tedious cases. Besides, Teru had started muttering again.

Thirty minutes left. Teru had stopped muttering. He wasn't moving, but it was obvious he wasn't asleep. He was just staring at the wall. Almost like he was waiting for something.

Ten minutes left. On the outside, Near looked completely normal. Calm and collected. Simply observing another event that had to take place.

The inside, however, was a totally different story. He wanted with all his heart and soul to go down there and be with Teru in his final moments.

But that wasn't possible. He wouldn't let himself do that. So instead, he repeated those last three words to him through the microphone. Near hoped if anyone had listened to them, they had had the decency to stop watching when the conversation got into Near's past and personal life.

Teru strained to hear the words, but he knew they were true. He smiled, knowing his time must be nearly up. In a way, he was glad it was Near that was killing him. He knew Near would try not to let him suffer. He wouldn't trust anybody else with such a task.

3...

Teru sat, staring straight at the camera. He smiled, knowing Near would be staring straight back.

2...

Near stared at the screen. Did Teru know he was in his final few seconds of life?

"Nate..."

1...

Teru Mikami sat up, clutching his chest. Though it appeared to be shock, not pain, this affected Nate beyond measure. He grabbed the screen of the laptop, desperate to try and stop what was happening. Wishing he could take back what he had done.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

Nate whispered this over and over again, long after Mikami had slumped to the floor. For the first time, emotions fought their way to the surface.

Nate River cried.

* * *

Gevanni watched Near. The flicker of life in his eyes was almost non-existent He was now an empty, emotionless shell. Unreactive. Robotic. He fitted right in with his inanimate toys.

He pitied the young man. He had lost everyone he had ever loved, and had traded away his life for the good of the world. Enforcing justice was all he had left.

No wonder people say that L stands for Lonely.


End file.
